The Blood & Moone Files – Episode 4: Hooper Lane (Final Edit) Written by Justin Evans | Final Showrunner Edit S1 - E4 - HOOPER LANE DOG BOY DAN Welcome back, my babies! Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Blood and Moone Files. The Blood and Moone boys had a lot to discuss after a late night battling a werewolf, with a trailer park vamp, and afterwards finding a pig’s head on Chandler’s porch. The way I figure it, that sheriff is up to something beastly, babies. But after a very exciting evening full of new experiences, the Chan man had questions that needed answering. Hell, even John had a few. So today they’re headed up the holler about an hour outside of town to have a little sit-down with John’s aunt—a witchy woman if there ever was one, but definitely my kinda gal. I likes ‘em sassy, my babies. *laughs* Now let’s catch up with the boys on the drive up. Seems like a good time for John to fill Chandler in on a few details on the way to find answers of his own. INT. JOHN’S TRUCK – DAY – MOUNTAIN ROAD SFX: TIRES on gravel, WINDOW down, COUNTRY WIND. CHANDLER BLOOD So you’re telling me I’ve got a demon in my head, you drank monster moonshine to teleport, and there’s a blood sucking redneck in a jorts and mullet combo who’s faster than my Wi-Fi and sleeps in a damn toolbox? JOHN MOONE (amused) Pretty much. CHANDLER BLOOD This is batshit bonkers, man. JOHN MOONE You drank spirit liquor distilled by a sin-eater. You’re lucky Caym hasn’t taken over completely. CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah, about that... he’s been... whispering. Not like full-on evil monologues, more like creepy stalker stuff. JOHN MOONE He’s testing the boundaries. You need to assert yours. Remember, he needs *you* to function. CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah, well, he’s not paying rent, and his vibes suck. Wait, he can TAKE OVER!? JOHN MOONE That’s why we’re going to aunt Catherine’s, we can prevent any take over that you’re not in control of. She knows things—about things like Caym, spirit contracts, naming rites, stuff like that. She helped me figure it out before. CHANDLER BLOOD So, you have a voice in your head? And what do you mean by “naming rites?” JOHN MOONE Not exactly, but nevermind that for now. Names have power, is what I’m saying. If you give Caym a name, you bind him to it. Shape the terms of your... cohabitation. CHANDLER BLOOD Great. Demon therapy. Love that for me. SFX: THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE DISTANCE. JOHN MOONE I won’t say it’s fine, but we’ll work it out... Looks like it might rain. CHANDLER BLOOD yeah... JOHN MOONE Just chill out, we’ve got another hour to go before we get there. CHANDLER BLOOD *sigh* an hour? I might take a nap. JOHN MOONE Go for it. You’ll need all the rest you can get. INT. CHANDLER’S MIND – DREAM SEQUENCE SFX: DEEP RUSH OF AIR – AS IF FALLING UNDERWATER. CAYM (smooth, coaxing) Sleep tastes sweeter when your mind is raw. You've been busy, Chandler. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh hell no. Not now. I'm not in the mood for your assholery. CAYM (mocking) Always the humor. You wield it like a shield. But I see behind it. I know your fears, your shame, your desperate little hope that someone *still* cares about you. CHANDLER BLOOD (shaken) Shut up. Get out of my head! CAYM And why would I do that? I live here now. You opened the door and didn’t bother to check who knocked. *laughs darkly* And you keep feeding me with every delicious morsel of doubt. CHANDLER BLOOD I’m not feeding you shit! CAYM (threatening) You dream of fire, don't you Chandler? Of burning down the ones you love? I can give you the peace you crave. Or power. But not both. SFX: INTENSIFYING SOUND DESIGN – whispers, low chanting. CHANDLER BLOOD Get. out. of my. head! CAYM I know what you’re attempting to do with the little witch, I relish the challenge, like stretching one's legs after a tiresome and sedentary journey. Name me, Chandler. Bind me. Or let me *grow*. Either way, I’ll be waiting... like a knife in your shadow. SFX: SHARP SNAP – Chandler gasps awake. JOHN MOONE Hey. Wake up man. Chandler, wake up. We’re here. EXT. FOREST EDGE – CATHERINE’S CABIN SFX: BIRDS. TREES RUSTLING. FOOTSTEPS ON STONE. CHANDLER BLOOD Where the hell are we? The Clampetts? JOHN MOONE She lives out here for privacy. Don’t be weird. CHANDLER BLOOD Me? Weird? I’m the poster boy of normalcy. (defensive) What!? Don’t look at me like that. SFX: KNOCKING ON WOODEN DOOR. CATHERINE (from inside) I heard the tires on the wind an hour ago! Come on in, boys! Door’s open! INT. CATHERINE’S CABIN – COZY, MYSTICAL SFX: DOOR CREAK. FIREPLACE CRACKLES. WIND CHIMES. JOHN MOONE Hey, Aunt Catherine. CATHERINE John-Michael Moone. You better hug my neck, boy. SFX: EMBRACE. LAUGHTER. JOHN MOONE Yes, ma’am. CHANDLER BLOOD Hi, ma’am. I’m Chandler. CATHERINE I know. I’ve seen you—in cards and smoke. You carry heavy company, son. Get in here and off your feet. Come on. SFX: CHAIRS SCRAPE. TEAPOT WHISTLES IN THE BACKGROUND. CHANDLER BLOOD Heavy company, that’s a nice way of putting it. I’d say he’s loud and broody and mooching rent-free in my skull. I hate roommates. JOHN MOONE (indignant) Really? CHANDLER BLOOD Well not you. I mean what if I got a roommate while you were gone and they were super annoying or gross or something. I draw the line at poop knives man, there’s some real weirdo’s out there. CATHERINE *laughs* John said you were funny. That’s good. Humor makes strong wards. Sit. CHANDLER BLOOD Silver lining, I guess. *nervous laugh* JOHN MOONE Thanks, aunt Catherine. CATHERINE Now what kind of hostess would I be if I didn’t offer you something? Coffee? Sweet tea? I’ve got biscuits left over from breakfast—might be a little stale, but that’s what honey’s for. CHANDLER BLOOD I’ll take whatever you’re having, as long as it’s not too much trouble, ma’am. Thank you. CATHERINE Good answer. You got some manners, at least. I’ll fix you something. SFX: CUPS BEING POURED. SILVERWARE TINKS. A COMFORTABLE BEAT. CATHERINE (CONT) So tell me, Chandler—what brings a demon-riddled constable and my nephew that never visits anymore to my front porch on a weekday morning? CHANDLER BLOOD (laughs nervously) Yeah... bit of a weird week. Demons, dreams, pig heads... CATHERINE Sounds like a Tuesday. JOHN MOONE We’re hoping you can help with Caym. CATHERINE (snorts) Of course you are. Demon name like that... and he’s still whispering in your sleep I’d reckon? CHANDLER BLOOD He’s gotten louder. Bolder. Like something’s changed. CATHERINE Well, he probably has changed. Sharing headspace with a soul like yours? He’s getting a taste for it. JOHN MOONE We figured maybe it was time to talk to someone with more experience with these things. CATHERINE Mmhm. Well, you came to the right place, then. But first, you sit, you eat, you breathe. You remind yourself you’re still human. Then—then—we can start working on your stowaway problem. CHANDLER BLOOD I can’t lie... that sounds wonderful. All of this stuff scares the hell out of me. CATHERINE Good. Means you’re still here. Now eat your biscuit. A full stomach goes a long way to a full heart and a strong soul. SFX: CHUCKLES. SPOONS IN CUPS. JOHN MOONE He’s wound up. Can’t blame him. CATHERINE Course not. This ain’t a fair fight. But lucky for y’all, you’ve got backup. Now... after we eat, we’ll talk about naming rights for this Caym character, and how to go about doing it your way. CHANDLER BLOOD My way? CATHERINE Yes, indeed. You want to be able to live with him? You name him with something he can’t twist. That’s how you bind. That’s how you survive. A true name is bondage. But a name you give him—*your* name for him—can act as a leash. CHANDLER BLOOD so... What kind of name? CATHERINE That depends. Do you want to weaken him? Control him? Or bargain? CHANDLER BLOOD Can I just evict him? CATHERINE *laughs* Oh, no, heart. Only if you die. SFX: CUPS clink. Tea poured. CHANDLER BLOOD Okay... where do we start? CATHERINE You sure you’re ready? CHANDLER BLOOD I think so. Better sooner than later at least. CATHERINE Ok. Close your eyes. Breathe. Let him speak... Concentrate. SFX: LOW HUM. WIND SHIFTS. CHANTING ECHOES. CAYM (distant, whispering) You called, Chandler. That’s progress. CHANDLER BLOOD (sighs) Great. CATHERINE Ask him what he wants. CHANDLER BLOOD What do you want? CAYM To stretch. To burn. To *be* again. Back in the real. CHANDLER BLOOD He says he wants to “be back in the real” again. CATHERINE And what do *you* want? CHANDLER BLOOD I want to not feel like a damn powder keg every time I close my eyes. CATHERINE Then name him. Something only *you* would give. Something that puts you in control. CHANDLER BLOOD uh... CATHERINE Name him Chandler! CHANDLER BLOOD Ok, ok, uh... shit, um... CATHERINE Now! JOHN MOONE Do it, Chan! CHANDLER BLOOD Ok! How about... Kermit? SFX: Caym’s laugh ECHOES – monstrous and shrieking. CAYM and CATHERINE Kermit!? CAYM Oh. That. Is. Cruel. I knew I liked you. *laughs* CATHERINE (laughing) Well that’s definitely unique, and it was your decision to make, but keep in mind that it’s not about the word. It’s about the will. Concentrate, call him out. Name him. Bind him. CHANDLER BLOOD Caym! I bind you. I name you. You are Kermit! SFX: Caym’s laugh ECHOES – it fades and folds in on itself. JOHN MOONE (unimpressed) Kermit, really? CHANDLER MOONE Fuck you, Muppets are badass! DOG BOY DAN Well now, babies... sounds like our Chan man is learning the ropes of riding with a demon on board. I’d say it’s a far sight more distracting than driving with a baby squalling in the back seat, too. It can’t be easy making friends with the voices in your head, especially when the voices belong to a Knight of Hell. But it’s all about control. Power. Identity. And maybe a little humor, too. Stick around, ‘cause I got a feeling this ride’s about to get *wilder*. (Outro credits, etc.)